31 August 2009

telekinesis

Turns out I'm a big fan of telekinesis. I am still unsure if I have actually witnessed the actual phenomenon with my own eyes, but must confess the idea intrigues me. I mean, if I could move with my mind what I didn't feel the drive to move it with my hands, what would I do? This serious question calls for some serious pontification. Let us proceed.

Situation #1: It's the one that's just begun, but evidently it's too late... Sorry, my roommate is playing the guitar and I got off track there for a moment.

Scenario #1: (Ah, much better.) The Dreaded Grocery Store Mishap
Ever been at the market and the item you need it higher than arms length away?! Sure, guys like Gavin Giraud never have this problem, but short-stacks like myself could use a good dose of telekinetic powers at moments such as these. I'll get you soon bottled pesto sauce...mark my words.

Scenario #2: Billiards
Playing the pool balls could get really interesting if you could give the gamely spheres a little nudge with your mind. Then the only pocket you would have to really worry about is the one in your jeans and how its going to be loaded with all your winnings from scamming your pool-playing associates that like to bet on their cues.

Scenario #3: Procuring the Salt and Pepper
Yeah, no more mealtime manners and quaint requests for the condiments, just stick out your hand and catch em' like a fly ball.

Scenario #4: Lights out
When sleepy time is nigh, and you lack the wherewithal to get up from your blankets, walk to the wall, shut the light off, and attempt to navigate back through the blackened abyss that bedroom becomes whilst avoiding injury from rogue items on the floor...telekinesis baby. Solves it every time, every night, every Sunday afternoon when Walker gets home from church.

Scenario #5: Public Restroom
Those mental powers could come in handy when avoiding germs is your priority, cause there is no way any part of my body is going to physically touch some of what I've seen in those stalls.

Scenario #6: Taking down random holiday ornaments from 3-story house ceilings and roofs
I don't know how tall that ladder was that you used to get that reindeer statue up there, but its about 33 feet too far away from the crust of the Earth to make me want to go retrieve it myself. However, with my handy-dandy telekinetic abilities that I acquired through years of solitude and meditation in the Tibetan tundras, I'll go ahead and snag it before you fall to a painful gravity-induced demise.

Yep. Got to get me some of that.

24 August 2009

Tall tales and classroom madness

So, today I was teaching about the New Jersey and the Virginia Plan, and philosophizing about the greatness of the Constitutional Convention. I was getting pretty into it, when before I know, it I am in the middle of a heated discussion of whether or not there is a McDonalds ball play pen in the US Capitol Building. No foolin. :)

Here is how we got started off on that glorious tangent.
















Sometimes I can't believe I was ever once a teenage boy.

17 August 2009

the only way to injest fiction

video

Storytime Robyn at her finest.

This reading comes from "The Witches" by R. Dahl.

Pure brilliance.