23 October 2010

Quote of the Yesterday #6

C: "Err....a pothead??
D: "Umm, no. Johnny Appleseed!"

A failed demonstration of a Halloween costume.

15 October 2010

attn: world

FYI: Neither World War I or II occurred during the years of 1775-1840.

In fact, they didn't even occur in those centuries.

Remember this good people, and tell your family, your friends, your neighbor, and your neighbors friends.

Especially if your neighbor is friends with a 12-18 year old boy who is planning to someday take my 1st quarter US History final...


p.s. while you are at it, kindly remind them that we didn't successfully invade Canada during the War of 1812 either. :)

12 October 2010


I work at a treatment center. We help deal with addictions among other things. I have experience challenging relapse of such addictions, sometime fairly intense ones...like yesterday.


So my boss came into my class after school and shared some good news. Scratch that. -Great news-

Turns out that he is going to start charging a higher fee for the SAT prep course our school offers for our boys. This fee is going to reflect closer to what normal SAT prep programs charge. Since normal SAT prep programs charge a ridiculously high rate, and since I currently constitute 1/2 of the SAT prep teachers at our school, this translates into a little more dinero than I previously anticipated.


I rode home feeling pretty swell about this new development. I never really include extra tutoring hours into the income side of my budget because they aren't really consistent. So all of a sudden I have a nice chunk of unexpected income that I didn't have before. Hmmm...what to do with this new development??


I got home, and immediately I spent the better part of the next four hours looking at sites like this.
Then I went to a church function for an hour.
Then I stared into this picture for like another whole hour salivating the entire time (mostly because I was eating Provo's best chimichanga while I was visually consuming specs like these).
Then a gorgeous girl stopped by and helped me break back into reality.

Yep. Some old behavior patterns will never go completely away if left unchecked...or un-pay-checked for that matter.


02 October 2010

speed of life

This morning I am proctoring a practice SAT for 4 my boys. Well....actually maybe just 3 of my boys. One of them hasn't shown up yet. (I keep thinking of the ole adage my high school physics teacher Mr. Kirby used to say when we were stupid. "This is you...at college.")

Anyway, my boys aside, I have discovered that proctoring a long boring test has one key benefit overlooked by convectional medical science!! Let me build some context. You see when I turned 20, my life changed drastically. When I was 19, life was running along at a nice casual pace. I turned 20, had a nice dinner that night and went to sleep without thinking twice about the occasion. When I woke up the next morning however, I was shocked. All of a sudden time seemed to accelerate to almost twice the speed of the prior two decades. My facial hair even grew faster (though at that point I was shaving it off fairly regularly). It was like I was in some sort of time vortex, I would look at the calendar and it was November 25th, then I'd look again and it was the Ides of March. Where did Winter even go???? (Don't worry, I didn't bother to look for wherever a silly season like winter went..)

Then when I turned 25, a similar phenomenon occurred yet again. This time, time just didn't speed up, the days actually got shorter. I don't know who was responsible, but I swear I have less time in a day now than when I was in college. How is that even possible? I don't even have homework anymore... All I do is work, sleep, eat, and hang out with cool people all day.

To the point: I found out that giving out this test to my boys this morning has a completely opposite effect! Time has actually slowed down and expanded by like three times its normal rate!!!

As I sit here and watch these kids take the SAT its almost like the world is taking a breath and holding it for as long as it can before it exhales and takes another. We started taking the test at 930 and its not even 10am yet?! Seriously, any other day of the week I would be having lunch right now and getting ready to peace out to an evening social activity. BUT NOT during a boring test.

I tell ya, its like riding the "It's a Small World" ride at Disneyland. You think it will be this fun quick ride, but once you go into that little boat and start down that dark tunnel, you feel like you have been in for hours by the time you get out into daylight again.

Anyways, people should seriously pay top cash money to give out a test like this if they want to reverse the aging process. I can't believe it. I think all 9 of my gray hairs just went back to their original coloring in just a few minutes. Haven't they made a couple films about this? If you ever want to reclaim your hold on time, just volunteer at some local high school.

I'm quite sure you won't have lots of competition. I don't think that many people have caught onto this little secret yet.