07 December 2009

correspondence with the elements

The following is my open letter to the weather.

Dear Old Man Winter,
Greetings and salutations you old quack. I knew you would show your ugly face sooner or later. I secretly hoped you got stuck in the Canadian tundra, but it seems as though you found your sweet way to the valley once more to torment me again. Don't take this personally, but I despise you.

I hope you don't mind me being frank, as our relationship goes way back. Remember the time you showed up that one November morning in Maine and helped me slide off the road? Or last year when you left me a present on the top of that roof when I was hanging Christmas lights that almost spelled my doom? Yeah, those were fun times. Thanks for finding ways to frequently remind me of our incompatibility.

I know I shouldn't be completely harsh on you. I don't think I ever properly thanked you for that snowstorm or two that provided for the appropriate context for some fun outings with that beautiful girl. But, don't consider that one favor as a flag of truce between you and I. One good deed is not enough to wash away a lengthy record of consistent indiscretions. And I didn't initiate this conversation to call off the war between us.

No, the real reason I am writing this letter is to ask a simple favor. This year, instead of usual spreading of hateful remarks and continuing my regular practice of slandering your name amongst my peers I figured I would attempt some civility. I assume you are going to be tarrying around here for a while, but I was just wondering if you could intersperse a day of sunshine every Saturday for the next two months. I know it might be an inconvenience to you, but lets face it, 'inconvenience' is your middle name! It would really mean alot to me if I didn't have to worry about the roads being awful every time I drove up the road to the temple at 545 in the morning.

Think it over some. Try it out for a few weeks. Let me know what you think. Just don't do anything rash is all I am saying. Otherwise I will have to file a formal complaint with the authorities.

Cold regards,

Mr. Walker

4 comments:

Receli said...

I was expecting ya eulogy for summer, but either way I loved it.

Skyler

Dan said...

I made a conscious effort this year to be happy about winter and snow. Its taken some effort, but well worth it.

BreAnna said...

I concur! Who's idea was winter anyway?

They call me Lou said...

I would just like to point out that I spent last winter here, then missed summer because I was experiencing winter in the southern hemesphere. Now, I have been kicked in the groin with another winter and all I want is May weather. I am bitter, and there will be no healing until spring returns.