multiple personalities

Today for lunch I was eating the results of my very first attempt at cooking fried rice, enjoying it thoroughly (as my Chinese roommate is a great chef trainer), and found myself trying to evaluate the overall success of my culinary experiment. I took a few bites, munched on the mouthfuls of rice for a while, and said to myself:

"Self, this probably needs a little more soy sauce next time."

Then...to my surprise, another voice (distinct from the first one mind you) shot back,

"You idiot! Why don't you just enjoy your food for once instead of trying to get all 'perfectionist' about it? It’s YOUR FIRST TRY AT FRIED RICE...so what if it's not exactly 'soy sauced' the way your Iron Chef roommate makes it?! If I have to listen to another one of your deluded criticisms again I'll..."

Just then the first voice cut back in,

"Now hold on right there a minute. I was merely suggesting that the dish could be improved upon our next attempt by adding a few tiny drops of..."

It was at this very moment, that I came to a realization of something I have never realized before:
I have multiple personalities.

And they only come out when I'm eating...usually by myself.
Er... I mean selves.

This fact actually explains quite a bit now that I reflect upon various and totally bizarre occurrences I have experienced during my lifetime. For example, every once in a while I will have a sudden and profound craving for something very particular. Lets say this time it might be ummm...a turkey sandwich.

I of course follow my stomach's promptings because for the most part it has done a fine job at keeping me alive thus far. So I gets on my shoes, drive over to the deli and proceed to examine the menu for a turkey sandwich. No sooner than right after I have examined the menu, something strange happens...I suddenly get this thought,

"No, you don't really want a turkey sandwich. That breaded chicken one is what you need."

I then begin searching the menu for that breaded chicken sandwich I just read about. Pretty soon, I'm about to order when I get hit with another snag...

"Mmmm this time get extra tomatoes. It really doesn’t matter what the meat is, as long as you get a tower of tomatoes along with it. Tomatoes will make all your troubles in life go away."

Before I know it, I've switched again from tomatoes to ketchup, then decide that ketchup only came up because of that suspiciously tasty corn dog I had in third grade, and that the corn dog thought was just a way of unconciously reminding myself that I needed to make a vanilla milkshake.

How does something this crazy happen to a more-often-than-not rational person like myself? There can only be one answer:
Multiple personalities.

Eventually I can't take it anymore and leave the deli, (without buying anything) only to go home, walk through the door, plop myself on the couch...and decide that a cheese enchilada would really hit the spot.